My Anniversary

Happy Anniversary to me. One year ago last Sunday I quit smoking. It's strange, because for a very long time I was a "closet smoker". I never smoked in public, I did not tell people I smoked and I went to extremes to hide it. When I started smoking it seemed "cool" and I enjoyed it. Soon it was not "cool" and I didn't do it because I enjoyed it, but because I needed it. I was addicted. For years I "planned" to quit - really I only talked about quitting and never put a "plan" together. Over the last several years I began to hate smoking, yet I still did it. I noticed the toll it had taken on me. I knew I needed to quit and finally I really wanted to quit.

So a year ago we were taking a vacation out of town with family and I knew I wouldn't be able to smoke. I talked to my doctor and he gave me a prescription to help. So for the six days of vacation I did not smoke. When we returned home, I did not want to blow the six days so I didn't start again. I was tempted at times, but I knew I wouldn't have another opportunity presented to me where I "had" to stop. As time went by the temptation became less and less. I took the medication for three weeks and then stopped.

Now that I look back on it I realize how stupid I was to think no one knew I smoked. My husband continues smoking and attempting to hide it and I see it doesn't work. No matter how much mouthwash or cologne you use, you can still smell cigarette smoke. I wish, of course, that I had never started smoking and that I had not smoked for so long. I'm making up for it now and paying the price for it as well.

I almost let the anniversary go by without acknowledging it. Why? Because I don't like to think of myself as a smoker. Well, I was. But I'm not anymore. And it's so freeing. I can understand the chains of addiction. I can also understand that until the addict is "ready" to quit, it won't happen.

Today I'm grateful for:
1. No longer being addicted to nicotine.
2. Understanding the grip addiction has on a person
3. Celebrating my one year anniversary