Don't Engage

I keep hearing don't engage with the alcoholic. You're dealing with alcohol and not the person. I was thinking I was doing pretty good at that by not arguing or condemning because he's drinking/drunk. However, I'm now wondering if "engaging" is more than just arguing. I still go along with whatever he wants (within reason most of the time) when he's drinking...so is that engaging too? Last night I came home and he was still drinking. He wanted me to lay down and hold him while he cried. So I did. Forget that I needed to go to the bathroom or wanted to change out of my work clothes. Then he wanted to listen to music. Ok. So that's what I did. All night. We didn't have dinner. I didn't turn any lights on in the house. I did get to change and go to the bathroom, but only when he got up to go to the bathroom. Is this engaging? I know I need to figure out how to have my own life, take care of me. I know I need to "detach" and "set boundaries" but I don't have the slightest idea how.

Tonight, I don't know what's gonna happen. I only heard from him once today and he sounded better. I know his bottle was getting low, but he may have another. Ok, here's where I'm supposed to think I can't control him and focus on me. So, me, what do you want to do tonight? Oh, how about go home and see what your husband wants to do...Geez. Let's think of something better.