Stop the Drama - Using the Mirror

I woke up at 2 a.m. this morning. I was hot and thirsty. And one cat was laying up against my legs so I ended up crooked in the bed. The other cat was on my pillow. I had to get out of the bed, go to the bathroom, get something to drink, turn the heater down - but I didn't want to disturb the cats or my husband. Oh, how difficult it all seemed...but I have to do it, so like some Mission Impossible actor, I lift the covers and ease one leg out and then the other, then over the cat at my legs. I use my legs to slide down away from the cat at the pillow then quickly and quietly roll off the bed. Whew. I made it. So after doing all the necessary tasks so I can go back to sleep, I crawl back in bed and lay there...wide awake. I realize I've got something I read in the Al-Anon Diary blog going through my head...a bumper sticker that reads "Stop the Drama". Why am I thinking this? Did I just slink around like Angelina in Mr. & Mrs. Smith? (I'd HAVE to be dreaming if I looked anything like her!) Yes, that's what I did. So dramatic. Then the real issue hits me...

I was supposed to go to an Al-Anon meeting on Monday. Yes, supposed to. I didn't go. It was cold. Now, that's probably the best excuse anyone has ever given! It was cold. It's winter, what do you expect? Well, it was real cold. Ok, that's better. No, it was just an excuse. I couldn't make myself do it. Maybe I didn't try very hard. And I knew I needed to go. So that afternoon I was talking to a close friend at work and she asked how "things" were going. So I fill her in on the husband and the weekend and how he's now "back on track". And I tell her how I need to focus on me...so like a soap opera starlet I look towards the window and that expression comes over my face (you know the one all the soap opera stars learn, say the alphabet backwards in their head for "the look") and I say, I'm going to go to an Al-Anon meeting. I was supposed to go today but I didn't. Oh, the tragedy. The drama! Fortunately she says the right thing, "when is the next meeting?" I say Wednesday at noon. She says I'm going to make sure you go.

Back to the topic, the mirror. I'm all about the drama. I'm the victim. Oh, poor, pitiful me. Get real. My husband is an alcoholic. I can't cure it, I didn't cause it and I can't control it. I am only responsible for me. It was about a month ago I posted on someone elses blog about how I really can't stand people who make themselves the victim or the martyr. And here I am doing just that! Wow! It's funny how it seems easier to look through the magnifying glass instead of the mirror. I need to stop the drama! I need change in me. I want change in me.

Today I am grateful for:
1. A great friend who I can talk to and
2. Will hold me accountable to get help for me by attending an Al-Anon meeting
3. All the people who have shared their stories by way of these blogs - they've been a huge help to me!

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Serenity

Another thought, I read yesterday in "Simple Abundance" about getting serenity in the areas we think we can't control. (The emphasis being "think we can't control") I thought it was appropriate that March focuses on serenity and the month began with the Serenity prayer. Anyway, the author said we must stop behaving like whirling dervishes if we wish to achieve serenity. Focus. Slow down. Methodically work through our "list" one item at a time. It struck me, we should work through the plan one step at a time. I'm looking forward to my first meeting tomorrow.